Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Chameleon the followup

My intent in last post was to discuss the human chameleons but never got to that. Like always I don't tend to keep clean posts but rambling on like an idiot.

Anyway Chameleons an interesting creatures, They observe their surrounding and try to act accordingly as both an offensive and defensive manoeuvre. And by trying to blend in gain the best advantage of the situation regardless if it isn't it's most favourite situation. Humans are much alike. With de difference of environment and that humans are pack animals. And that humans being pack animals makes all the blending in so much more weird. Anyway I would consider myself one of those chameleons because I have the ability to mirror in relatively short time and regulate my own behaviour to reflect that group or individuals interest and also use the information gained to better explain or handle a conversation....

Train of though lost short version: Some people have the ablity to blend in emongs many diffrent types of people then others have due to certain knicks and traits. But having this ability also makes one wonder who one really are if your personality shifts ofthen between diffrent groups of people. Ill try to follow this up tomorrow

For spotify users:
Found it toda kinda odd song but I like it! =) Apparently was on some Schalger a few (30 or so years ago ) By the artist/group Teach-In

Man i have a reallly hard time to finnish of the blogs. Usally I come up with somthing to write then when I start to write it somthing else comes up and then I lose my points / or train of thought.

Doing my panflute exercies daily but still not good at the tunes at the higher end of the scale. Hard time to get a clear note from the pipes =(.

Weight is a mess. Need to have my birthday and start to focus again =(

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The lazy Chameleon

Meh been a bit lazy with updating I feel. You yes you are a great comfort to have for support with all that's is going on. Been much at work at home and with everything. Had an afterwork beer with some of the guys this friday with food and some pool. Was fun luckly it was the payday too so we all could afford it. Heh beeing a small company gamedev dosnt always provide alot of cash but hopefully times will turn!! =)

Also I recived my Panflute today. Heh can play most notes but some of the higher ones I cant seem to get to work. But i guess its all about practise. Dont know how to plan the panflute learning though. I have some exelent help from youtube. But after that I dont know. How much time should I spend on these exercises? half an hour a day? then after that I guess I should start to learn witch note is witch and try to play somthing. Donno what songs that is actually panflute friendly =) Any ideas would be greatly appriciated.

In the weight section of this newyears resolution I am fighting hard. And I do have succumbed to the temptations of candy and unhealthy food. But walking to and from work is still going strong.
Like now I am writing this blog and eating some panpizza. But ill try to keep it at half only. My main goal is try to build an lifestyle I can support and not just fallback whenever I am done with the diet. But I am working on my focus as much as I can. Also I try to allow myself some candy at the weekends as akind of a carrot to worktowards. Just keep it smaller then I used to.

This is it for now. Actually have more I would like to post but I think ill post that in a seperate post. I wonder if i write I to much. Seem very selfish when I reread my posts.

Anyway have an great saturday night.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Who is testing my faith and why?

This is the third time in a year I have been stopped to help push a car a few hundred meters along some road or across some circle or major traffic light crossover. Very stressful and all three times it has been at the end of the current direction ( aka almost at work or almost at home ) meaning i have had 3 km hard walk before the push witch makes me totally exhausted when it comes up. Because I still weight in at 150kg meaning my stamina aint the best.

But at the same time each of these times there have beeen numerus people passing by not helping. Why is everyone so into what thay are doing that thay cant just stop by and ask if they need help or anything like that?

Anyway all three times i have helped. It is nice to feel helpfull and see other people smile.
Kinda makes me remeber the movie/book "Pay it forward". To change the world with a only a few steps per person. Just by reaching out and help thouse who cant help them selfs. The result would be an utopian world Because at the end there would hopefully not be anyone left who was in more then thay could handle.

If you havent read the book or seen the movie I would recomend it gladly. One of the few movies that actually thouched me to the core.

With a hard walk and some car pushing behind me I kinda feel the need my body has for physical workout. I am a large guy. with large bodymass/bone structure. And I guess I should take better care of my body.

Oh btw the season 2 of "The guild" has started and is up to 7 episodes. Great great series just love the composition and the characters. And Felicia Day is hawt too!! =)

Also today I put in my order on the panpipe. It will be an bamboo Panpipe with 15 pipes G-G. Around 120$ Hopefully it will be good enough or at least good enough to learn on. When one knows a bit more one might actually know what to look for and such =)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Ocarina on the iPhone!

Allthought i have known about this fun app for a while but took me an while to get it but yesterday i came around and bought it. And it was about 100 times more fun and working perfectly. Was very easy to get going with an very extensiv song notes on their hompage. Been training to play x files. I think i should make that one for panpipe too. Nice and quite simple tune.

On an sad note, an collegue is going back to school feels kinda sad. Plesant and fun guy to work with. Me and an other collgue bought hin än clone a willy for leaving gift. Kinda fun and all the guys at work laughed and got some fun out of it. Not likly he will forget us now. ;).

Ill consider this Day an failure on the weight apartment since i ate both some chocolate and pepsi. :(

The ocarina i see as practise and fun till i get my new real panpipe.

Anyway its late and long Day tomorrow. So you tkae care.

Over and out.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Minimize, Maximize

Is there anything that is optimal for every given situation?
I think not. So the big question should one be content with that or should one work to improve so called "min maxing"? or should one be content with what you got?

And in regards to this I guess its easy to become ones worst enemy. Thinking to much on each situation. On the other hand given time to actually think through might stop stupid mistakes. So a balance is to be archived. Questions I get regarding this I usually answer do whatever suits you best for now, or do whatever you find most fun. Mostly based on the persons situation and question. Because for me life is about fun, and one can use one's creativity to alter most situations to fun.

In today's world everyone try to Maximise profit minimise expenses and just become rich regardless on whoever thay step on. Its very understandble but at the same time not. I cant say I have an good sallery I can almost say I have a bad one but still not. But still I and content with my current situation and living. Sure there are stuff I want or would fancy. But do I need them? no not really. I rather look at that stuff as rewards for progressing life. And stuff in it self requiers time to use meaning I wouwld have to maximise my own time witch I dont want since I am an casual adventurer.

Meh like always I am not sure were I am going with this.

I cant continue this sorry. Maby some later.

Weight update.
Gone quite good some bad.
Been a tad much pepsi latly.
Also we still had some holyday candy / cookies that was eaten
and also I bad a tad much candy this satureday. But other then that it is going quite good.
Have made smaller portions I am walking 6km a day. And I am keeping my hands off candy when I go to the store. Hopefully it will continue like this and it should yield atleast 20kg off in weight. At a time I should feel stronger and widen my work on weight. The ultimate goal would be to fit XXL cloths because then I could shop in normal stores again!!.

Panpipe update.
A friend of mine helped me find a store that sold them. Not really an easy instrument to find. I will order one next sallery thay are about 100$ so. I will also need to find some guide/notes that are suitble for newbee training. And find the ultimate goal for this year. An full song I should be able to play in one go!!. if you have any suggestions drop it in the comments.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Like sands of the hourglass are the days of our life's

Ok the rodent wheel began to spin again. Started working yesterday after 2.5 weeks of winter holiday kinda nice to be doing somthing atleast. Sitting at home is kinda boring.

Oh why is it like that when you are free you dont want to do all the stuff you know you need to do but while you work you want to fix your appartment travel and have adventures?

I guess my problem this time off was that i didnt have gf at home. And was kinda stunned of how lonly one can feel when get to used to having someone around. So didnt happend much. Low cashflow and no car makes travel around to friends and stuff a bit harder too. But i also got the time to be for my self and think and focus for the challange ahead of me. I need to take my weight problem seriusly and fight to remain sane and dont fall back to old habbits. But so far so good. though only 8 days into the new year and i have already sinned. Thoughi will allow me some sin( candy cookies and such) because totally shutting it out will only backfire witch i have prooven to my self before. But I havnt bought any candy or cookies so far and that feels good. Also about halved my dinner portions and eating som yoghurt for breakfast and 3oclock food.
Trying to keep an solid 3 hour between foodintakes too. Making sure the digestion is up and running almost the full waking day.

Enough rambling about this. And i think its enough for today too. Gonna play some games with my girl now! =)

Just wishing i can keep this up. I want to loose weight. I want to drive MC, I want more adventure!


Monday, January 5, 2009


Gf is back now partly why its 2 days since i blogged When she got back we got pizza. Not the best of meals for me but still a meal. Ate half the pizza and saved half the pizza for dinner the day after.
As part of my new mentality to each small portions of food. So far so good. And so far candy hasnt really been a problem either. I just try to avoid to buy candy such for now.

I feel greatly more calm now that gf is home and I can finely get some peace when sleeping. Almost turned back my sleeping habits now.

Wherever we are wherever we go we as humans are bound to meet many crossroads during our life's. Mostly because our society is littered with them also because the human mentality want the options, we as humans want to choose. But there are choices in life that we dont want. Like saving my doughter or my son from the burning house and so on. Sure it aint bound to happend and the best choice is to prevent the situtation all together. Witch in it self isnt always an option due to the cash flow of that person.

Why am I blabering about this now? Becouse I just faced one of thise crossraods. The doctors said to me that if I continue with my old/current lifestyle i would become an patient of the heart and bloodvessel doctoers in a not to distant future. So he gave me the option to continue or listening to him. Its kinda nice but on the other hand if I was just a tad weeker and didnt have my gf would i be able to stand up aginst the cravings for "bad food" and candy on my own?

Each body each living breathing entity of this planet is an biological machine and while doctors have proven to prevent/rebuild/replace much ot this machine there are many parts that isnt replaceble. We all need to take care of our selfs and our surroundings and eachother if we are going to survive. Because not all can care for them self not all have the strength to face the reality not all have the economics to support health.

My self made the choise to focus on my self this year to deleop my self and maby finnely feel good about my self. We will see.

As soon as my scale pick up my weight again I will start writing it here. Hopefully it will motivate my self too.

I guess I am out of here for now. take care.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Rough start..

Had a very rough start on this year. Today i spent 4 hours at the emergency for tense and numb left arm, shoulder and breast/heart region.

But hopefully i am here to stay and keep blogging i think i really will need it if i am to succeed this journey for an fit body.

Soon the christmas holydays is over and its back to work again and hopefully i can put my mind somewere else. And we got an 24/7 workout place just around the corner so maby i should join them. But i rather play squash or some other activitie. I prefer to engage in stuff rather then just lifting weights.

Anyway i need to turn back the day again before work starts so ill try to hit the bed early.
Anyway I hope this night will be more plesent the the night before becouse that one was horrible. And as well i dont want to have the same nightmare becouse the one i had last night was really really bad =(.

And tomorrow jan 3 my gf gets back home again it will be a real releaf for me in my current state.

Cheerios folks

New year again.... They just keep comming.

Late night blog from the phone so it will be short this time i promise.

This year i have basically three objectivs.
First find my self spiritually.
Second learn some panpipe
Third find my self physically( is it even a word? )
Bonus would be taking mc drivers licens.

I kinda feel lost even though i am living my Dream. I am not sure who i am or whom ive become.

I still have my weight problem so i need to start my journey by concentrating on my weight.
And to start this journey i have spent some time prepering me mentally for it. It will be though at first but i know for sure that it sill ease up the furter down this road i go. But it will require much of me.

Anyway batteries are running low i will write more about this

Best regards